Whitticisms, Volume 1: Would You Rather…?

Welcome to Whitticisms, a fortnightly roundup of verbal bon-bon-bon-bons from Birmingham-based personal trainer, British Weightlifting coach, and slow cooker enthusiast Dave Whittington, the Gorilla PT. While everyone who works with Dave appreciates the effectiveness of his coaching– seriously, his programming works wonders— what keeps people coming back is his very… unique personality.

IMG_1624
Glasses: not a disguise.

Or as he once put it, ‘Come for the potentiation, stay for the banter.’

This Week in Whit: Deep Questions

There are few things Dave loves more than a hypothetical discussion. A ridiculous hypothetical discussion. Usually he will spring the scenario on you while you are resting between sets, but he also has a talent for posing it right after delivering a complex coaching point or while you are busy trying to work out 82.5% of your 1RM in your head.

homer-simpson-zoned-out
My actual thought process during Barbell Club

A few examples:

  • Would you rather be a lasagne or a shepherd’s pie?
  • Would you rather have arms as long as your boobs or boobs as long as your arms?
  • How far do you think you could throw a chihuahua?
  • Would you rather be a helicopter or a submarine? Why?
  • If you were an otter that could fly, would you rather wear a fez or a top hat?
  • Which do you think would be better, being made of blancmange or being made of Spam?

Brief or poorly-considered answers are not tolerated. In the follow-up chatter that ensues, you’ll find yourself debating whether you should fling the chihuahua by its back legs, hammer-throw style, or take the time to wrap the little yapper in duct tape for better aerodynamics.

You will ask qualifying questions, e.g.: can I have breast reduction surgery if I opt for boobs as long as my arms?* You will be appalled to learn that Dave thinks it’s okay to put feta cheese on a shepherd’s pie.** You will, in short, be entertained.

Do you have answers to any of Dave’s questions? Tell us, in great detail, in the comments. Bonus points for diagrams, storyboards, mashed potato sculptures and/or interpretive dance videos that illustrate your replies.

*No.

**What the actual fuck?

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