Whitticisms, Volume 2: Hard Truths

It’s that time again.

No, not that time.

Time to open the casket of wonders that is Dave Whittington’s mouth and see what comes out of it. Last time we were concerned with “would you rather” scenarios that he likes to spring on innocent people who are about to throw metal plates overhead.

This week we have a collection of home truths: rough nuggets of wisdom that one could imagine hipsters pouncing on in order to make ironic needlepoints for their Etsy stores.

Baby Got Backstitch

Meanwhile, the athletes on the receiving end of these blunt missiles may feel they need stitches afterwards. Or at least a hug:

“You didn’t make the lift because you aren’t good enough to make the lift.”

“I believe we have two ears and one mouth for a reason.”

“Life can’t all be candy canes and perfect snatches.”

“A little pain never hurt anybody.”

“I’m not here to make friends.”

“If you’re going to be fat, you’ve got to be strong.”


He would know.

Now It’s Your Turn

Honestly, though, anyone who’s ever participated in sport will have heard a coach say things like this. I remember how my high school swimming coach broke the news to me that I wouldn’t be swimming the IM anymore.

“Merli,” he told me, putting an arm round my enormous shoulders, “There are many different kinds of people in this world. Some are good at football. Some are good at dancing. And some are bad at breaststroke. Guess which kind you are?”

Readers, you must have stories like this, whether or not you’ve survived the Dave Whittington Experience. Share in the comments!


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